"THURSDAY BLUES (Reason Unknown)"

I'm feeling a lil down today. Reason unknown. Don't really feel like talkn to anyone by text, email, or by phone. I just need to be alone. When will I come out of hybernation I dont even know. Peace please come among me. I feel so helpless. My soul is turning black. My heart has hardened. My body is changing i feel like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Im happy now, sad later. Its getting dark. Im not scared. Hopefully tommorrow ill see the light. I live in a world of freedom but why am I so ashamed. I have nice things, I have someone who really love me. Why am I crying..... Why am I crying..... I ask myself, hold back that feeling. Just let go. Im happy again, now im sad. Fuck it now im mad.

I'm feeling a lil down today. Reason Unknown.

Happy New Year

Hello folks, its that time again time to set your goals for the new year. Time to get rid of alot of old habits. Do away with all the negative energy that causes you so much confusion. Its about to be "2008" stop being depressed and saying you cant do it, I say if there is a will there is definetly a way. I have made a lil list below of things for me not to repeat in 2008.



1. I will no longer lend out money to broke ass people.

2. I will no longer extend myself to others that take advantage of me and my niceness.

3. I will stop jerking off everyday of the week. (even though i heard its health, anyway).

4. If I start to have a fag moment in order to regain my masculinity I have instructed my friends to slap the shit outta me.

5. I will no longer be a victim to 500 dollar cell phone bills a month.

6. I will try to establish more of a bond with my biological mom. ugh

7. I will refrain from being a hoe an having one night stands.(sure gonna miss those latenite nuts)

8. I will no longer jerk off in the employee bathroom at work.

9. I will attempt to go back to school and get my degree in business.

10. I will try to be a better friend and not neglect the people who are in my life.

11. LASTLY but not least I refuse to fuck with anybody I dealt with over the past few years.



What are you goals for the NEW YEAR?



BYE-BYE "07" and HELLO "08"

"My Big Brother"

My Big Brother

When ever I needed advice.
You gave it to me straight.
You never bit your tougne
What ever you thought i needed to hear at that moment
You made sure I hearded it an listened.
Your sarcasism is so geniune.
I miss my drinking buddy.
I miss those early morning texts from you
"Whats up playboi" , "Have a good day X".
I'd talk to you on your way home from work while you sitting in traffic.
I got you on my mind playboi.
You are in my prayers.
I came to see you yesterday,
I couldnt stay long,
I couldnt bare the pain.
Seeing you like that hurt my heart,
I shoulda known something was wrong from the start.
You were away from us far to long
I wish it was something I could do
I cant stand the thought of losing you too
I know everything is going to be fine
You are a beam of light
You still have so much more time to shine
I haven't known you for very long,
but in a years time I got close to you
The big brother I never had
Just wanted to let you know
I watched the game last nite.
Cowboys lost but they put up a fight.
I thought about you the whole game
It just didnt feel the same
I looked at my phone wanting to text you
But what was the point no reply to look forward too.
I miss you. Can't wait to see you soon.

"Everyone please take a moment to send out your prayers to our friend Jay."

GO COWBOYS!!!!!!!!

What's The 411?????

Hello blogworld!!! I know i havent been blogging lately. I have been in my own lil world dealing with my normal drama. lmao. Okay I left off last when i was telling you my moms job situation, the mortgage situation an my brother...... etc. Okay now the story unfolds. Most of my friends know this but i feel like blogging about it so here it goes.

My sister (18) and my 2month old nephew are now staying with me an my family. It is starting to be hell. I mean i gave her my bed to sleep on, my tv to watch, and my room to make her stay a lil more pleasant (however long that will be). Okay now im thinking to my self after thata was ll said an done like dam were am i going to sleep lol. so yeah im now sleeping on a hard ass floor in my lil brothers room. Every nite i put down a comforter and i made a makeshift pillow being that my sister has my bed (pillow included) im using the back of my lil brothers elmo chair and a sheet to prop it up under my head. A nigga back is hurting my theighs falls asleep from time to time. I havent seen a good nite sleep in a week and a half. I love my sister an all but sumtnns gotta give.

My thanksgiving sucked. My aunt played everybody, she pull a BYOB (bring you own beer). I was so over it lol. I had to buy my own liquor this year. I dared someone to touch my vsop or my miller chill. Am I advertising rite now lol ( i think i need to get paid for this lol) anyway. Yea black people sure do know how to mess up a family function. My lil 12yr old cuzn told me she lost her virginity over the summer i was in shock. SO now she keeps insisting that she give me details lol. Ewwwwlll. Talking bout your my older cuzn you should want me to tell you. I said lil gurl get outta my face lol. Pulled a MADEA on her lol. Everybody ate all the food i got one plate an was very disappointed. Oh yeah my aunt makes her famous sweet potato pies every year and she usually gives me one. You know this trick had the nerve to charge me 5 dollsrs this year. lol

Family and Friends, Okay Family, this was funny over the weekend i was at my friend shawns house he ahd a lil get together and i notice this dude looked very familar and i saw him at shawns house before but couldnt put my finger on it. I approached him i told him he looked familar and he realized i did too. He started running down family names turns out this nigga my cuzn i was in shock cuz i would never though he was gay. He was always quite growing up. Its like everytime i turn around someone in my family is "FAMILY' lol. Friends , im thinking maybe i wanna take a break from the dating scene because everybody that wants to talk to me i dont see as dating material either we've been kewl for years an nothing never poped off or we have been toegther an i dont wanna go down that road again. I think we would be better off as just being friends.

My so called friend has done it again, He has managed to get under my skin once again. I get a call on Thanksgiving mornig from my ex ( who by the way i have there name on my chest) telling me outta respect he wanted to tell me that he met up with my friend on myspace or wateva an they exchange numbers after they realized who each other was continued to talk. (how shady is that). So i blacked on him. Then i proceeded to call my alledged best friend an had words then hung up. Im fed up with the bullshit.

Okay I know its not my place but, If you had a friend thats about 25yrs old constantly talking to high school students, wouldnt you consider him/her to be a pedaphile. I have a friend that loves having relations with underage people his recent victim just turned 17 and catch this the 17 yr fucked him lol. now how crazy is that. I have a lil brother his age. I just dont understand. I know when i was that age i was going for the older people but as i got older i realized why some dudes wouldnt mess with me cause of my age. I try to tell him that its not rite and he should find someone around his own age. I just dont know about hims sometimes.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS SO FUNNY!!! (THIS IS A MUST READ)

A source told me that several R&B female artists came together and were
planning to kidnap Beyonce at the MTV Video Music Awards. Several of
these artists met to go over their plan. Here is an excerpt from that
meeting:

Ashanti : I would like to call to order this meeting of FHAB, Famous
Haters Against Beyonce. Is everyone here? Amerie?

Amerie: Here.

Ashanti : Janet?

Janet: Here.

Ashanti : KeKe Wyatt

KeKe: Here, and I can sing better than Beyonce.

Ashanti : Ok, that's good to know even though nobody asked you.

Ashanti : Has anybody seen Mya?

Amerie: Umm, her cell phone was cut off, and the manager at Target says
she no longer works there.

Ashanti : Jennifer Hudson, why are you here? You have talent!

Jennifer: I heard there was cake.

KeKe: I can cut it for you. I can cut cake BETTER THAN BEYONCE!

Ashanti : Thank you KeKe. After you cut the cake please put the knife
back where you found it.

Ashanti : As we all know, Beyonce is continuing to sh*t on us on a daily
basis. I was suppose to have the single of the summer with "Switch" and
now that nobody cares about it I have to pretend that it was just a buzz
single. I don't even know when my album is coming out. Amerie's album
has been pushed back again, and Mya's album may not come out at all.
Beyonce's unborn children's albums have release dates but we can't get
ours released! SHE MUST BE STOPPED! All of our plans to get rid of
Beyonce have failed.

Janet: I honestly didn't think she would last this long. When she
performed at the Super Bowl, I took my titty out and shook it around a
little hoping it would steal all the attention away from her.

Ashanti : And what happened?

Janet: That didn't work out quite the way I thought it would...

Amerie: Yes, I put Vaseline on the bottom of her shoes at her Orlando
show, and she did slip and fall but that heffa got right back up and
started spinning and rotating that wig. I don't even think she's human.
She's
evil!
PURE EVIL! She must be stopped!

Ashanti : OK, as we know the MTV awards are coming up. None of us have
sold an album since 2002, so Jennifer you are the only person who has
been invited to the show so we need your help with this plan.

Jennifer: Do I get cake?

Ashanti : Nevermind all that. At around 7PM Beyonce will arrive. At
around 8PM, Beyonce will head backstage to meanmug Rhianna. At 8:05PM we
need you to lure her out in the parking lot with a pork chop and cheese
sandwich, me and Amerie will sneak up and tie her up, Imma see if I can
borrow my mom's Astrovan, and we will put her in the back and knock her
out. While she's passed out we will drop her off in the middle of the
desert in Saudi Arabia. Assuming she doesn't get too frisky with the
camels, I'm estimating that it will take her about a month to escape.
During this time we will try to release our albums without her upstaging
us. We have 3 release dates in October since Alicia Keys is coming on
the 23rd and will probably sh*t on us too. I will take October 9. Ok,
Who wants Ocotber 16?

Janet: I want Ocotber 16.

Amerie: Why do you get October 16?

Janet: Excuse me, I did Rhythm Nation, OK! My brother did Thriller! I am
a legend dammit! I am a Jackson ! And now I have to sleep with a Midget
Monkeyman just to stay relevant! I am 41 years old! I AM TOO DAMN OLD TO
BE f**king FOR TRACKS!!!

Ashanti : Ok, Janet, calm down. Have some cake.

Jennifer: NO! MY CAKE! (slaps Janet)

Ashanti : Jennifer that cake was for everybody! See this is why we can't
even get our albums released. We're too busy arguing, fighting, eating,
and stabbing to get anything accomplished. And Beyonce is still sh*tting
on us. We need to focus.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Until Next Time..........................

"Just Leave Me The Hell Alone........"

Why won't everybody just leave me the hell alone??!!!!!

Im so annoyed right now. I have more on my plate then I can bare. From my mom about to be layed off to my dad wanting me to kick out about a $1,000 to him a month towards mortgage and bills, my dumb ass brother being caught by my aunt while everybodys at work with two hood rats going into the house (Which was this morning at 9:40am to be exact, stupid ass suppose to be in school), which now my mother wants to beat the hell outta right now. I have been working on some new flavors for Pepsi & Walmart at work which have been kicking my ass

First, Its unfortunate that my Moms boss is closing his company of 11yrs to start a new business venture. He felt he wasn't making enough money. So he told my mom last friday what his plans were an that he was announcing to everyone formally on monday morning that he was closing an everybody had to be outta there offices by 12 noon but he was going to keep her on board ,since she works in the corporate office, for another 4-6 months. My mom had this on her mind all last weekend. i felt so bad for her she slept all weekend and barely got out the bed to only use the bathroom. I tried to cheer her up by buying her some of her favorite wine. But she stayed on her grind now she thinking of starting her own business and working from home. She got her first client (whom she acquired through her contacts at work lol) yesterday which gives her a $8,000 commission. Im so proud of her. My moms a strong black woman.


Second, My dad ugh. He pulled me into the kitchen yesterday an told me. "We have a big problem. Ima need you to step up to the plate. Your 21 now an i expect you to do what you need to do . I raised an smart young man. Things are going to be a lil tight but Ima need your help. Im not gone lose my house by the way which we pay $2900 for a month ugh... anyway. with that said I just went upstairs and I had to process what he just told me. I made me upset a lil bit because I had planed to move out for "09" with a serious amount of money in my account. Now I have to dip in an out of my saving to make ends meet. Shit really fuckn sucks, but ill get over it. I'll make it work for me.


Third, MY DUMBS ASS 16yr old brother. Any other day he would get up at the usual 7:30 am knowing he has to be to school by 8:10am and be late getting to school as usual. Today he supposedly left his book bag. (which I think is a bunch of bullshit) at home an returned back to the house at 10am to get it. but you have my aunt whom which saw this lil MF'er walking into the house with 2 gurls. Which she then called an informed my mother who called me to give me the news an to relay to my dumb ass brother to get the bitches out her house an that when she gets home she gone ring his fuckn neck. She told me to get in his shit I did an I'm taking the cell I bought for him back to teach his dumb ass a lesson. I wish he get his act together, and this is the same dumb ass that told me he think he burning a week ago an his piss her. Here he is about to go have sex.


Work....... Thats a story all by its self. Long days, Long work week. Boring Weekend then back to long Work weeks all over again. I really wish Walmart & Pepsi would just be satisfied with these dam flavors. Im tired of generating new docs because one guy deciedes he wants to eat microwable popcorn his whole life now has trouble breathing. Thats his fat ass fault. Now I have to go through all these dam formulas an play the dam Diacetyl police. Go figure. Everybody wants Kosher an Organic. Shit Im still trying find out why Doritios is advertising these dam Organic Doritos. Healthy my black ass lol. It just creates more work for me lol. Im a trooper I just do what im told an get the shit done enough said. LOL


I wish everyone just leave me the HELL ALONE!!!!!!!!!

Until next time..............

$20.00

I received this today at work. I thought it would be nice to share. I got a lot out of this and wanted to see if it could do what it did to me to you and see what you get out of it. No matter how bad someone talks about me or etc.. Im still me and I'm special. I thank everyone thats around me for being my support. Okay enough mushy shit see below........


20.00
Sometimes we just need to be reminded!
A well-known speaker
started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this
$20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you
but first, let me
do this.
He
proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who
still wants it?"
Still the hands
were up in the air.
Well, he
replied, "What if I do this?"
And he
<>dropped it on the ground
and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a
very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you < /I>will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still
priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our
lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE and
WHOSE WE ARE.
You are
special
-
Don't EVER forget it."
If you do not pass
this on, you may never know the
lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to,
or the hope that it can bring.
Count your blessings,
not your problems.

"And remember:
amateurs built the ark ..
professionals
built the Titanic.

If God brings you to
it - He will bring you out of it


Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success

I Have A Fetish ......

Okay I waited all day to post this. Over the years my sexual petite has grown tremendously. I get off on the weirdest things like listening to a deep voice on the phone to listening to a nigga piss. Which lets me know his dick is heavy as hell. Very strange I know. LOL. I could be at work an I automatically get a hard on. It usually takes 15mins for it to go down.

Wow I cant believe im about to type what im about to type. I have been messing with dudes for about 9yrs now im currently 21yrs old as of september. I like the stranges things that just make me so aroused beyond my control. Its times I get so horny that I go on a rampage contacting all my old jumps offs to come jerk off with me. I'm so nasty. Like right now the shit going through my head rite now is off the charts. I love giving oral sex to both male an females. I love to eat ass to the point of no return. The thought of burying my face deep in someones ass just turns me on (Of course a throughly clean ass). I like having group sex 3,4,5,6 hell as many people as possible the more the merrier is my motto.

I recently have come to except my inner freak, which tends to be overwhelming at times. I'm nasty like LIL KIM "HARDCORE". I have a fetish that developed about 9 months ago. I met this 35yr old man from Plainfiled.said he wanted to test my freak so I said okay, but im already a freak you can't turn me out ima turn you out. He said we gone see lil man. I said aite I'm coming over he said aiite come on. I went over there we chilled smoked a couple cigarettes, had a lil sumthn to drink. Then he reached to grab me started rubbing my leg then started to kiss me. We winded up in his bedroom and him tossing my salad. I proceeded to suck his dick. Then he proceeded to prep me for a quick fuck. Lets jus say he hit a nigga off real good. LOL. Okay so we fuckn an then he starts suckn my dick then. Im like I gotta piss an then he says werd. Go ahead. I then proceeded to piss in this nigga mouth an he drunk every last drop. I was turnt on by this new found freakness that was bestowed upon me. He started jerking me off faster. Then he swallowed my nut. He was beating his dick as he was jerking me off. He got his nut off too. We both just layed there. On my way home I was still shocked at what just happen. Lets just say everytime we meet up thats apart of our routine. Its a name you call this type of fetish. "WATERSPORTS".

Now I ask you my audience to tell me WHAT IS YOUR FETISH?
Don't be scared. It took alot for me to write this. LOL. I had to switch it up a lil bit.

Until Next Time........