Saturday, August 18, 2007
"Reveal Urself"
Back again for a second time. Lately I been feeling like I'm having a idenity crisis. I dnt no whether I like dudes or if I like girls. I know I like something. Should I live the sterotypical lyfestyle that the average DL man lives. or should I jus not date or talk to people at all. I find myself constantlly struggln with this issue. I mean I love sex an all but. I haven't really had the urge to really be sexual . I mean my hand does me just fine. Despite my last post which was on random an I didn't really give to much thought in making dat decscion it was jus one of those I do give a fuck kinda things. I need HELP. I was so stressed at work last week thinkn if I told my mom about my secret life that I'd feel better as long as she didn't tell my dad. but no that would of jus opened up a can of worms. This secret is such a burden on me. If my dad wasn't such a homophobe mayb Id consider telln him but GUESS AGAIN. I'm not. Why is being gay/bisexual so wrong. Its a prefrence. Why does it matter what another person does in the privacy of there own home. We as a black community are so ignorant that we are so negative to our own people. It's 2007 get with the program. Times are changn , people have more of an openmind. but we have the few that are still living in the dark ages. Society has made me who I am today.forced me to wear this mask of shame. to hide in secretcy. Will I ever see the light of day?????. Until next time..........
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9 comments:
I have been there before, trust and beleive. I wrote this poem, let me spit it at you real quick:
Inside my soul, lies my vulnerability.
Inside my mind, lies an incompatibility.
Such instability, gives me no acceptability.
This X factor I have acquired, gives me the power,
To emotionally and physically, connect to men I desire.
This need is so strong, that its survival is required.
The X factor gives you the ability to lie,
To everyone I deny that I like guys,
thus the perfect disguise,
to live in a "Hetro" society,
filled with homophobic anxiety.
You would think with such variety,
there could be more love in this society.
Yet, I keep it on the low, friends and family hardly even know.
My feelings I can’t even show, as my insecurities rapidly grow.
Who can I turn to, when your denied to be who you are?
Who can I turn to, as I slice an invisible scar?
Who can I turn to, when my own sexual thoughts become bizarre?
Thus far ... my X factor is kept in a jar.
I can A) Take these feelings,
hide them inside
swallow my pride,
and continue to hide,
until these feelings slowly subside,
and one day will try.
to find a bride,
even though deep down inside,
my true self I deny.
Or B) take this thing,
inside of me,
hold it up with such decree,
take the hurt, pain, and urge to flee,
bottle that up and send it to sea.
Because I will finally agree,
that unleashing my X factor will make mentally free!
Inside my soul, lies my vulnerability,
yet inside my soul, I can find stability.
to balance both in such versatility,
can lead to tranquility...
The X factor is now my Ability!
The answer will come to you in time. Just be ready to accept it when it comes.
Awwww thanks Shawn! I don't no if ima b ready either but let's face it ima have too. Thanks for the poem real moving.
I know what it is like to be afraid to tell your parents who you really are and what your preference is. When my mother accidentally found out about my lifestyle she, along with the rest of my family, stopped talking to me. I went a year without family ties. It was horrible because i am a very family oriented person. Looking back, I can honestly say that I am happy she found out. I can now live my life freely and openly. It is like a weight lifted. Unvail the mask X. Be you, whoever that is.
Tyson
You don't have to be ashamed at all of what you do. You just have to accept it for yourself. If you are not fully comfortable and accepting of yourself then you will always be effected by what others think of you. I know, it's easier said than done, especially when those folk whose opinions differ from yours are your parents. But when it comes down to it, no one can live your life but you. Ya gotta do what's best for yaself because YOU are really the only person who has to deal with X non-stop 24/7.
As far as the issue homo vs bi...you don't necessarily have to choose men or women. If you're genuinely attracted to both then deal with both. The catch there is that you owe it to EVERYONE that you encounter romantically or sexually to be completly honest about how you live your life. if someone else's feelings get involved in you or if you interact sexually with them, it IS their bizznezz and they DO have a right to choose whether or not they want to deal with a bisexual man.
BY THE WAY...THAT :AST COMMENT IS FROM OMAR...I'm on FUZZY"S COMPUTER lol
Great! lol I'ma put a lock on my computer! lol
I. the real fuzzy, Would have to cast out all labels. I say this quite often and I don't believe anybody ever takes me seriously, but I always say I'm not gay. I never say what I am. I am me, who likes what I like when I like it.
As for the telling mom ordeal, I would tell her. I wanted to tell mine and never did. Now i dont have the opportunity. Whether she woulda condemned me to hell or said "Danny I love you" (she's only one who can call me that, just a reminder) lol.
Dont let it be on the list of things that you didn't get a chance to do. be mindful of your own situation though. YOU know your moms the best. You know how she will take it whether you realize it or not. think that over and you will make the right decision.
Yes Zay I been there b4 and you know that! Felt like I went to hell and back wit hiding ma sexuality! And now that my mom knows is a big ass load of ma shoulder's! And we have a greater relationship! I say fuck society and what they think...We are in 2007 ..And truthfully being bi-sexual or a homosexual it's really starting to be a big trend now...
``Deyvon``
u kno who u are deep inside. all will become clear soon. keep yo head up.
Here's the deal Zay (If I may call you that), you do not need a label to live. Just because we as SGL (same gender loving) men have so many different levels to us, doesn't mean you have to pick a side.
You want some dick or ass get it. U feeling the need for some pussy, do what you do.
As long as your are being real with yourself, and protecting yourself and your partners, the rest will fall into place.
Tell the parents thing: I told mine, but only you can make that decsion.
Best wishes,
Z
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