Happy New Year

Hello folks, its that time again time to set your goals for the new year. Time to get rid of alot of old habits. Do away with all the negative energy that causes you so much confusion. Its about to be "2008" stop being depressed and saying you cant do it, I say if there is a will there is definetly a way. I have made a lil list below of things for me not to repeat in 2008.



1. I will no longer lend out money to broke ass people.

2. I will no longer extend myself to others that take advantage of me and my niceness.

3. I will stop jerking off everyday of the week. (even though i heard its health, anyway).

4. If I start to have a fag moment in order to regain my masculinity I have instructed my friends to slap the shit outta me.

5. I will no longer be a victim to 500 dollar cell phone bills a month.

6. I will try to establish more of a bond with my biological mom. ugh

7. I will refrain from being a hoe an having one night stands.(sure gonna miss those latenite nuts)

8. I will no longer jerk off in the employee bathroom at work.

9. I will attempt to go back to school and get my degree in business.

10. I will try to be a better friend and not neglect the people who are in my life.

11. LASTLY but not least I refuse to fuck with anybody I dealt with over the past few years.



What are you goals for the NEW YEAR?



BYE-BYE "07" and HELLO "08"

"My Big Brother"

My Big Brother

When ever I needed advice.
You gave it to me straight.
You never bit your tougne
What ever you thought i needed to hear at that moment
You made sure I hearded it an listened.
Your sarcasism is so geniune.
I miss my drinking buddy.
I miss those early morning texts from you
"Whats up playboi" , "Have a good day X".
I'd talk to you on your way home from work while you sitting in traffic.
I got you on my mind playboi.
You are in my prayers.
I came to see you yesterday,
I couldnt stay long,
I couldnt bare the pain.
Seeing you like that hurt my heart,
I shoulda known something was wrong from the start.
You were away from us far to long
I wish it was something I could do
I cant stand the thought of losing you too
I know everything is going to be fine
You are a beam of light
You still have so much more time to shine
I haven't known you for very long,
but in a years time I got close to you
The big brother I never had
Just wanted to let you know
I watched the game last nite.
Cowboys lost but they put up a fight.
I thought about you the whole game
It just didnt feel the same
I looked at my phone wanting to text you
But what was the point no reply to look forward too.
I miss you. Can't wait to see you soon.

"Everyone please take a moment to send out your prayers to our friend Jay."

GO COWBOYS!!!!!!!!

What's The 411?????

Hello blogworld!!! I know i havent been blogging lately. I have been in my own lil world dealing with my normal drama. lmao. Okay I left off last when i was telling you my moms job situation, the mortgage situation an my brother...... etc. Okay now the story unfolds. Most of my friends know this but i feel like blogging about it so here it goes.

My sister (18) and my 2month old nephew are now staying with me an my family. It is starting to be hell. I mean i gave her my bed to sleep on, my tv to watch, and my room to make her stay a lil more pleasant (however long that will be). Okay now im thinking to my self after thata was ll said an done like dam were am i going to sleep lol. so yeah im now sleeping on a hard ass floor in my lil brothers room. Every nite i put down a comforter and i made a makeshift pillow being that my sister has my bed (pillow included) im using the back of my lil brothers elmo chair and a sheet to prop it up under my head. A nigga back is hurting my theighs falls asleep from time to time. I havent seen a good nite sleep in a week and a half. I love my sister an all but sumtnns gotta give.

My thanksgiving sucked. My aunt played everybody, she pull a BYOB (bring you own beer). I was so over it lol. I had to buy my own liquor this year. I dared someone to touch my vsop or my miller chill. Am I advertising rite now lol ( i think i need to get paid for this lol) anyway. Yea black people sure do know how to mess up a family function. My lil 12yr old cuzn told me she lost her virginity over the summer i was in shock. SO now she keeps insisting that she give me details lol. Ewwwwlll. Talking bout your my older cuzn you should want me to tell you. I said lil gurl get outta my face lol. Pulled a MADEA on her lol. Everybody ate all the food i got one plate an was very disappointed. Oh yeah my aunt makes her famous sweet potato pies every year and she usually gives me one. You know this trick had the nerve to charge me 5 dollsrs this year. lol

Family and Friends, Okay Family, this was funny over the weekend i was at my friend shawns house he ahd a lil get together and i notice this dude looked very familar and i saw him at shawns house before but couldnt put my finger on it. I approached him i told him he looked familar and he realized i did too. He started running down family names turns out this nigga my cuzn i was in shock cuz i would never though he was gay. He was always quite growing up. Its like everytime i turn around someone in my family is "FAMILY' lol. Friends , im thinking maybe i wanna take a break from the dating scene because everybody that wants to talk to me i dont see as dating material either we've been kewl for years an nothing never poped off or we have been toegther an i dont wanna go down that road again. I think we would be better off as just being friends.

My so called friend has done it again, He has managed to get under my skin once again. I get a call on Thanksgiving mornig from my ex ( who by the way i have there name on my chest) telling me outta respect he wanted to tell me that he met up with my friend on myspace or wateva an they exchange numbers after they realized who each other was continued to talk. (how shady is that). So i blacked on him. Then i proceeded to call my alledged best friend an had words then hung up. Im fed up with the bullshit.

Okay I know its not my place but, If you had a friend thats about 25yrs old constantly talking to high school students, wouldnt you consider him/her to be a pedaphile. I have a friend that loves having relations with underage people his recent victim just turned 17 and catch this the 17 yr fucked him lol. now how crazy is that. I have a lil brother his age. I just dont understand. I know when i was that age i was going for the older people but as i got older i realized why some dudes wouldnt mess with me cause of my age. I try to tell him that its not rite and he should find someone around his own age. I just dont know about hims sometimes.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS SO FUNNY!!! (THIS IS A MUST READ)

A source told me that several R&B female artists came together and were
planning to kidnap Beyonce at the MTV Video Music Awards. Several of
these artists met to go over their plan. Here is an excerpt from that
meeting:

Ashanti : I would like to call to order this meeting of FHAB, Famous
Haters Against Beyonce. Is everyone here? Amerie?

Amerie: Here.

Ashanti : Janet?

Janet: Here.

Ashanti : KeKe Wyatt

KeKe: Here, and I can sing better than Beyonce.

Ashanti : Ok, that's good to know even though nobody asked you.

Ashanti : Has anybody seen Mya?

Amerie: Umm, her cell phone was cut off, and the manager at Target says
she no longer works there.

Ashanti : Jennifer Hudson, why are you here? You have talent!

Jennifer: I heard there was cake.

KeKe: I can cut it for you. I can cut cake BETTER THAN BEYONCE!

Ashanti : Thank you KeKe. After you cut the cake please put the knife
back where you found it.

Ashanti : As we all know, Beyonce is continuing to sh*t on us on a daily
basis. I was suppose to have the single of the summer with "Switch" and
now that nobody cares about it I have to pretend that it was just a buzz
single. I don't even know when my album is coming out. Amerie's album
has been pushed back again, and Mya's album may not come out at all.
Beyonce's unborn children's albums have release dates but we can't get
ours released! SHE MUST BE STOPPED! All of our plans to get rid of
Beyonce have failed.

Janet: I honestly didn't think she would last this long. When she
performed at the Super Bowl, I took my titty out and shook it around a
little hoping it would steal all the attention away from her.

Ashanti : And what happened?

Janet: That didn't work out quite the way I thought it would...

Amerie: Yes, I put Vaseline on the bottom of her shoes at her Orlando
show, and she did slip and fall but that heffa got right back up and
started spinning and rotating that wig. I don't even think she's human.
She's
evil!
PURE EVIL! She must be stopped!

Ashanti : OK, as we know the MTV awards are coming up. None of us have
sold an album since 2002, so Jennifer you are the only person who has
been invited to the show so we need your help with this plan.

Jennifer: Do I get cake?

Ashanti : Nevermind all that. At around 7PM Beyonce will arrive. At
around 8PM, Beyonce will head backstage to meanmug Rhianna. At 8:05PM we
need you to lure her out in the parking lot with a pork chop and cheese
sandwich, me and Amerie will sneak up and tie her up, Imma see if I can
borrow my mom's Astrovan, and we will put her in the back and knock her
out. While she's passed out we will drop her off in the middle of the
desert in Saudi Arabia. Assuming she doesn't get too frisky with the
camels, I'm estimating that it will take her about a month to escape.
During this time we will try to release our albums without her upstaging
us. We have 3 release dates in October since Alicia Keys is coming on
the 23rd and will probably sh*t on us too. I will take October 9. Ok,
Who wants Ocotber 16?

Janet: I want Ocotber 16.

Amerie: Why do you get October 16?

Janet: Excuse me, I did Rhythm Nation, OK! My brother did Thriller! I am
a legend dammit! I am a Jackson ! And now I have to sleep with a Midget
Monkeyman just to stay relevant! I am 41 years old! I AM TOO DAMN OLD TO
BE f**king FOR TRACKS!!!

Ashanti : Ok, Janet, calm down. Have some cake.

Jennifer: NO! MY CAKE! (slaps Janet)

Ashanti : Jennifer that cake was for everybody! See this is why we can't
even get our albums released. We're too busy arguing, fighting, eating,
and stabbing to get anything accomplished. And Beyonce is still sh*tting
on us. We need to focus.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Until Next Time..........................

"Just Leave Me The Hell Alone........"

Why won't everybody just leave me the hell alone??!!!!!

Im so annoyed right now. I have more on my plate then I can bare. From my mom about to be layed off to my dad wanting me to kick out about a $1,000 to him a month towards mortgage and bills, my dumb ass brother being caught by my aunt while everybodys at work with two hood rats going into the house (Which was this morning at 9:40am to be exact, stupid ass suppose to be in school), which now my mother wants to beat the hell outta right now. I have been working on some new flavors for Pepsi & Walmart at work which have been kicking my ass

First, Its unfortunate that my Moms boss is closing his company of 11yrs to start a new business venture. He felt he wasn't making enough money. So he told my mom last friday what his plans were an that he was announcing to everyone formally on monday morning that he was closing an everybody had to be outta there offices by 12 noon but he was going to keep her on board ,since she works in the corporate office, for another 4-6 months. My mom had this on her mind all last weekend. i felt so bad for her she slept all weekend and barely got out the bed to only use the bathroom. I tried to cheer her up by buying her some of her favorite wine. But she stayed on her grind now she thinking of starting her own business and working from home. She got her first client (whom she acquired through her contacts at work lol) yesterday which gives her a $8,000 commission. Im so proud of her. My moms a strong black woman.


Second, My dad ugh. He pulled me into the kitchen yesterday an told me. "We have a big problem. Ima need you to step up to the plate. Your 21 now an i expect you to do what you need to do . I raised an smart young man. Things are going to be a lil tight but Ima need your help. Im not gone lose my house by the way which we pay $2900 for a month ugh... anyway. with that said I just went upstairs and I had to process what he just told me. I made me upset a lil bit because I had planed to move out for "09" with a serious amount of money in my account. Now I have to dip in an out of my saving to make ends meet. Shit really fuckn sucks, but ill get over it. I'll make it work for me.


Third, MY DUMBS ASS 16yr old brother. Any other day he would get up at the usual 7:30 am knowing he has to be to school by 8:10am and be late getting to school as usual. Today he supposedly left his book bag. (which I think is a bunch of bullshit) at home an returned back to the house at 10am to get it. but you have my aunt whom which saw this lil MF'er walking into the house with 2 gurls. Which she then called an informed my mother who called me to give me the news an to relay to my dumb ass brother to get the bitches out her house an that when she gets home she gone ring his fuckn neck. She told me to get in his shit I did an I'm taking the cell I bought for him back to teach his dumb ass a lesson. I wish he get his act together, and this is the same dumb ass that told me he think he burning a week ago an his piss her. Here he is about to go have sex.


Work....... Thats a story all by its self. Long days, Long work week. Boring Weekend then back to long Work weeks all over again. I really wish Walmart & Pepsi would just be satisfied with these dam flavors. Im tired of generating new docs because one guy deciedes he wants to eat microwable popcorn his whole life now has trouble breathing. Thats his fat ass fault. Now I have to go through all these dam formulas an play the dam Diacetyl police. Go figure. Everybody wants Kosher an Organic. Shit Im still trying find out why Doritios is advertising these dam Organic Doritos. Healthy my black ass lol. It just creates more work for me lol. Im a trooper I just do what im told an get the shit done enough said. LOL


I wish everyone just leave me the HELL ALONE!!!!!!!!!

Until next time..............

$20.00

I received this today at work. I thought it would be nice to share. I got a lot out of this and wanted to see if it could do what it did to me to you and see what you get out of it. No matter how bad someone talks about me or etc.. Im still me and I'm special. I thank everyone thats around me for being my support. Okay enough mushy shit see below........


20.00
Sometimes we just need to be reminded!
A well-known speaker
started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this
$20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you
but first, let me
do this.
He
proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, "Who
still wants it?"
Still the hands
were up in the air.
Well, he
replied, "What if I do this?"
And he
<>dropped it on the ground
and started
to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
My friends, we have all learned a
very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you < /I>will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still
priceless to those who DO LOVE you.
The worth of our
lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but by WHO WE ARE and
WHOSE WE ARE.
You are
special
-
Don't EVER forget it."
If you do not pass
this on, you may never know the
lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to,
or the hope that it can bring.
Count your blessings,
not your problems.

"And remember:
amateurs built the ark ..
professionals
built the Titanic.

If God brings you to
it - He will bring you out of it


Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success

I Have A Fetish ......

Okay I waited all day to post this. Over the years my sexual petite has grown tremendously. I get off on the weirdest things like listening to a deep voice on the phone to listening to a nigga piss. Which lets me know his dick is heavy as hell. Very strange I know. LOL. I could be at work an I automatically get a hard on. It usually takes 15mins for it to go down.

Wow I cant believe im about to type what im about to type. I have been messing with dudes for about 9yrs now im currently 21yrs old as of september. I like the stranges things that just make me so aroused beyond my control. Its times I get so horny that I go on a rampage contacting all my old jumps offs to come jerk off with me. I'm so nasty. Like right now the shit going through my head rite now is off the charts. I love giving oral sex to both male an females. I love to eat ass to the point of no return. The thought of burying my face deep in someones ass just turns me on (Of course a throughly clean ass). I like having group sex 3,4,5,6 hell as many people as possible the more the merrier is my motto.

I recently have come to except my inner freak, which tends to be overwhelming at times. I'm nasty like LIL KIM "HARDCORE". I have a fetish that developed about 9 months ago. I met this 35yr old man from Plainfiled.said he wanted to test my freak so I said okay, but im already a freak you can't turn me out ima turn you out. He said we gone see lil man. I said aite I'm coming over he said aiite come on. I went over there we chilled smoked a couple cigarettes, had a lil sumthn to drink. Then he reached to grab me started rubbing my leg then started to kiss me. We winded up in his bedroom and him tossing my salad. I proceeded to suck his dick. Then he proceeded to prep me for a quick fuck. Lets jus say he hit a nigga off real good. LOL. Okay so we fuckn an then he starts suckn my dick then. Im like I gotta piss an then he says werd. Go ahead. I then proceeded to piss in this nigga mouth an he drunk every last drop. I was turnt on by this new found freakness that was bestowed upon me. He started jerking me off faster. Then he swallowed my nut. He was beating his dick as he was jerking me off. He got his nut off too. We both just layed there. On my way home I was still shocked at what just happen. Lets just say everytime we meet up thats apart of our routine. Its a name you call this type of fetish. "WATERSPORTS".

Now I ask you my audience to tell me WHAT IS YOUR FETISH?
Don't be scared. It took alot for me to write this. LOL. I had to switch it up a lil bit.

Until Next Time........

"It Could of Been Me"

This has been a hellafied week for me. I turned 21 last saturday, I've been on Jury Duty for the last 3weeks on a criminal case. (which has been on the news alot lately). I broke up with my bf thursday (*sigh*)Well here it goes....

Tuesday morning like I always do in jury duty while waiting in the jury lounge. I get a voicemail from a woman from the health office in newark stating that I need to give her a call as soon as possible. She has very confidential information that she needs to talk to me about. By now I'm puzzled as to what she has to tell me thats so urgent. She left a phone number to be reached at. I proceeded to call back an a woman answered the phone. I told her someone called from your office an said it was urgent that she speak to me. She asked do I know her name. I said i think Ms Alverez. She sent me to the ladys voicemail. I left my other numbers that i could be reached on.

A day has went by. I still havent heard from this lady from the day before. Finally thursday morning in jury duty again she calls. I answer she askes am I so an so. I reply yes she says she has to meet with me as soon as possible to discuss a matter involving myself. I was saying to myself is this real. How did this lady get my telephone number? How does she know my name etc... She said she couldn't discuss the matter over the phone and that we had to meet in person to make sure I was indeed so and so(me). I told her my home address an that we could meet there on my lunch break. She said okay ill be there by 12- 1230 I confirmed an that was that.
Now I'm sitting here thinkn oh my god whats wrong with me? I don't feel sick, I feel fine, What could it be? I was depressed the rest of the day. I texted my friends gave them bits an pieces of what had just had happen. One friend kinda put 2 an 2 together an was tryna get it outa me but. I refained from stating the details. I just told him Ill tell him later when I find out more info. I tried to maintain a normal day but just couldn't my mouth kept going dry just think of all the wrong things I shouldnt of been thinking of. I tried to think positive but nah.

Today, was the day I dreaded. I have never been more scared in my life except when It was time for me to get an ass whoopn on report card day. I just kept on thinkn the worst. I was anticipating 12 to come around so i could go meet this lady an she could tell me what the hell the big secret was. I left my job at 11;50 to take an early lunch. She called at 12 on the dot saying she was at my house. I got there she was sitting in her car. I got in. She told me the reason I needed to speak with you right away was because basically some one that you have came in contact with referred us to you that tested positive for HIV. My heart dropped, I got a big headache. I got so angry at myself. I kept thinking about what I did last Saturday on my birthday and if I put that person at risk and If I did, I would never be abled to live with myself. All I could do was ask myself who the fuck would do this to me. Who??? She couldnt tell me who? What? Why? When? Where?. I don't have unprotected sex. I have had my slip ups on the whole oral thing yeah. but very very rarely have I not used a condom. I try to pick an choose who i sleep with very carefully. I guess I haven't been doing a good enough job. Because I wouldnt be sitting in this lady car. She askes me personal questions an its one question I usually lie about Which is do you mess with M or F or both. I couldnt lie. I told her both. She asked did I use protection I explained Ive had my slip up once or twice. She stressed to me the risk im taking by not using a condom.

We talked she calmed me down. I told her about my school plans. I told her about me having kids etc. I explained to her that I dont know why I mess with you know... and she told me male on male contact puts you more at risk because its direct. She had me swab my mouth and we talked so more. Had to wait 20 mins to determine my fate. My heart was pounding, I kept putting ny hand in my head. Praying to god for forgiveness an repenting for my sins. After the 20 mins was up. She tell me that im negative. I am so relieved at this moment. To think some shit like this could happen to me. I never would imagine Id be in this kind of predicament. I told her an myself Im leaving the lifestyle alone. I feel that I can't trust anyone now. People need to know there status. I was tested in March 07. I tested negative. I know i could be just as much at risk with a female. Im sitting here right now blogging. Im about to compile a list of people that I actually had sexual relations with. Most of which I was in relationships with. Ima take this an learn form it\. Wrap it up. I value my life to much. I have to much to do and to see. I will not fall victim to the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

"KNOW YOUR STATUS. KNOW YOURSELF"

Mary J Blige

A woman of great talents. She is dubbed " The Queen of Hip Hop & Soul". None other then Mrs Mary J Blige.

She has made u dance in the clubs, partys, even riding in your car to making you cry from her mellow tunes. MJB is a trooper a victim of drugs, alcohol abuse and domestic violence she has been through it all, an became the beautiful woman we all know today.

MJB has been an inspiration to me since the first time I heard her voice. From " You Remind Me" to "Reminisce". My favorite MJB era was the year her " My Life" album dropped. It talked of relationships, pain and Joy. It seemed like every track on that album brought me out of sum kind of situation. It was like she was directly speakn to me. Now when I hear a Mary cd It automatically up lifts my spirit, gets me through the day.

MJB is a legend in her own right. She is someone from the past an present. Even though she is in her thirtys she as already reached that status. If you can fill up a room an have people crying to your song, your somebody. MJB is H.B.I.C.. She has had numerous hits just to name a few. "I Can Love U". "Everything", All That I Can Say, who could for get "Im Going Down". I choose MJB because she is living proof that there is hope. Through her music she continues to be an inspiration to people. She a young black successful business woman with no limits. With that said I'm at a point in my life that I'm about to "Breakthrough".

Friday Night Blues

YUP, yet another boring Friday in the house, I'm sitting here in the dark blogging from my treo. I had plans but quickly dismissed those ideas. I texted my boy jay earlier. He's at church catchn the holy ghost. (Amen brutha) Cuz lord knows u need healing, all them demons in you lol. Fuzzy hasn't returned my text as of yet. (I mean did he get amnesia all of a sudden an forgot to hit me back lol). Anywho I'm turning 21 next saturday. Yay for me (finally). I'm trying to get it together. Not sure if I want a party with a naked stripper or go clubbn. Hell, all I need is some grey goose an cranberry. Thats a party all by itself.
My mother .......... (*sigh).
My mom(birth mother) is really starting to irritate the hell outta me. For the last 2yrs I have let her borrow over $500+ that she has yet to repay.Story behind that. I live with my dad ,step-mom and 2 brothers. My mother doesn't work (typical welfare recipient)4 kids currently living with her.She has a mental disorder.She gets very depressed at times an developes the mindset of a 5yr old. Anyway she sits on her ass all day long majority of the time if she not doing part time work. Borrows money from everybody in the neighborhood.(So Ashamed). I mean if you see me you wouldn't believe I was her son. I'm a well dressed clean cut kinda guy. You see her an your like WTFFF? I love my mom dont get me wrong but something has to give.
Am I wrong for being ashamed of the woman that gave me life? She use to have it together now she seem to let go. I went to visit her the other week an we were talking rite. Let me tell u what she did. I thought this was too funny.Okay she borrowed 55 cent in change from the girl next door.Then proceeded to send my little brother to the store. She told him an I quote. " E go to the store an get me 55cent worth of cheese." I looked at her an said "55 cent". How much cheese u think u gone get with 55 cent.lol Her response was "3 fuckn slices." I was so disgusted. Let me stop lol. Okay I'm done venting now lmao.

Until next time......

"I Love Me"

I'm not gone change. I love myself, from my brown skin to my chip tooth down to my size 13 feet. I love me. I may curse a lot. Might even say sumthn stupid but I'm me. I'm human I make mistakes. I fall but I regain my balance an push full steam ahead. Wanna know Y cuz X gone b X. Can't nobody be me. Jus like I can't be U. People words may cut like a knife. but like a bleeding wound I clot. I try to keep my head above water. Someones always tryn to drown me. Belittle me, break me, Shake me. I'm like a glass half full.

I'm not your average 20yr old, I'm making it an I don't even have a college degree. Its in the process. I love myself to much to let anyone get to me, still my joy. I hurt in the midnight hour. I'm like a ray of sunshine in the morning. You see my many faces, but which one is the real me? X got a story to tell. I'm young, black and intelligent. Don't let the blogs determine what is under the surface. How do I come off to you? Am I a freak? yeah. Am I a hoe? If dats wat u wanna call it. Do I come across immature? Sometimes maybe. I don't use my age as an excuse for stupidity. Am I changing? Yeah but not for you. I'm changn for me. Like I said X gone b X. If you don't like my posts. Then don't entertain em. If you don't like me as a person dats ya business. I blog as a release. Its my personal storage. Where I can say, do and write wateva I please. This blog isn't intended for anyone in particular. Its me expressing various thoughts an feelings that have bottled inside. I write to avoid conflict. I'm like a match waiting to be sparked. Enough wind and ill start a wildfire. Embrace me.

Until next time..........

Labor Day Weekend

Its monday people. Its Labor Day Weekend. A lot has happened since I last posted. I'm a uncle sis had the baby. oh yea my lil bro scare wit the STDs he good. I chilled in BK at peoples house , dude apartment was fire I'm still wowing over the elevator service to the kitchen..On a bad note a nigga is sick. My head hurt, chest hurt, nosed stoped up. I'm jus all fucked up.lol It sure ass hell didn't stop me from going out this weekend. Shit I got me some tylenol. took some penicilin ( that the doctor prescribed me 4 months ago) I know I'm not the only one that stores unused medicine lol.

Okay I have some peives that irk the hell outta my nerves.

1. I hate when someone telln a story then they stop dead sentence , like ooo let me tell u so & so said, then b like oops I'm not suppose to tell u. I'm like bitch then why the fuck u start telln me.

2. I hate when people ask to borrow money knowing they aint gone pay it back. Shit jus say can I have ,that way my black ass won't be looking to get it back.

3. I hate when I'm on the dam phone with someone. Then you hear the toilet flush. Im like, u was using the bathroom all that time, Nasty bitch.( I was wondern why u was so dam quite, bitch cuz u was concentrating to hard lol).

4. I hate when you at a restaurant an someone say "Can I get a cheeseburger with NO cheese." I'm like dam bitch jus say u want a hamburger. lol just stupid shit jus irks me

5. Okay fellahs stop saying pussy nasty. Nigga aint ate /taste a pussy a day in his life an saying pussy nasty. Eat it!!!! If you can suck a dick u can eat a clit. No fuck dat if you swallow a nut you can dam sure eat some cooche. Pussy don't stink except that one time I was drunk, nigga almost passed out from dehydration lol * flashback* ewll. lol.

What are some of your "PEIVES"?

Until next time.......

"Shits Fucked Up"

Its Sunday, don't really have that much to say. I was literally tryna figure out what the hell my next post was gone be so. I'm jus gonna say random shit. Here it goes. lol

Okay my sister is 18 & pregnant. (how da hell this dis bitch have a baby b4 me?) oops I forgot I like boys. Anywho the baby father is 31yrs old. YES 31 lol. In jail. your typical local street pharmacist.

Shits fucked up.

Then u got my lil brother (16).ughh, I'm chilln, drunk as hell drivn to Dominos mind u.(gotta feed my liquor) Called me last week soundn all scared an shit saying " yo I need a real big favor". I'm like "wat?". this lil nigga said. "I need u to take me to the clinic. I think this bitch burnt me." me being the fucked up brother I am, I bust the fuck out laughn. I know that was wrong but atleast I agreed to take em.

Shits fucked up.

Okay. I got this friend rite. If he knew I was writn this shit he would have a dam fit. alriite lol. excuse me from laughn this shit is hilarious. We went to the bar last nite. I had a few drinks. so the bouncer let me sleep in the back. I woke up saw I had missed phone calls.(it was my boy) I went outside. I saw him leaning on my car. I'm like wats wrong. he like "I kinda shitted on myself." All I could say was ewl u nasty bitch. I went to my trunk got a towel to put on my seat. Cuz this shitty bitch was not sitn on my dam seat. I got in the car he like "roll the window down. don't turn on the air." Then all assuden it hit me. " the smell of shit". I'm like how the fuck u shit on yaself. lol ,his reply was "I jus couldn't hold it." lol

Shits fucked up (in his case, shited on lol)

This girl I know. We mad kewl atleast I thought. Im at the movies bout to go see "Superbad" an I see dis bitch. she called me over. I look in the car. I see this dam big ass man, atleast I thought it was a man. I'm like ooo this bitch been dicking & dyking lol. She coulda told me. Coulda got a 3sum or something. lol

Shits fucked up.

Now I know yall got some fucked up comments.

Until next time........

"Psychotic Bitch"

Y'all wont believe what the fuck just happened to me. Im chilln at my shorty house in newark, We all laid up watchn tv. Then all assuden my phone rings, its my crazy ass ex (Who you all know as princess). Bitch called 2 times then finally I decided to answer my phone on the 3rd. I said "Hello", Crazy bitch was like "I see you can bring ya ass to tommy(my shorty cuzn) house ,but you cant fuckn come see me. You a fucked up nigga", I let them talk for like 5mins straight. None stop cursing at me until finally "Crazy bitch" realized I wasnt listening an hung the fuck up. So the story continues.

Im sitting here like oh god round 2. Cuz this bitch tried this shit months earlier tryna "out" me an shit to my fam. So My shorty like want me to go box they ass? Im like nah Its kewl. So by then I realize "Crazy Ass" know my car is parked outside , saw it now wanna start going phsyco an shit. So something tells me to take my black ass outside. I see the landlord outside smokn a cigarette. I ask "Excuse me did you see anybody messing with that truck right there?, she responds, "Yea I saw somebody pull up next to it, get out open they trunk with some girl an the they got in the car pulled rite here in front of the house an then sped off." So now im like aww shit this bitch done fucked up my car. I go down the street to inspect my car looking for dents, scratches, sugar in the gas tank etc. No signs of nothing. So then I look to my right I see a black car riding down the block with no headlights on. Can you believe this lil bitch tried to run me the fuck over. I jumped out of the way quickly. They sped off, Came back a 3rd time an put pictures we took back in November in the door of my car an sped off again. I ran over an snatched them off a, by now Im pissed, Im mad cuz I just got finish busting a nut with my shorty now I couldnt even fuckn enjoy it. I was stressed all over again. shit lol, So dis dumb bitch come back a 4th time, but this time parks directly across the street from the house, gets out an lean against his car. I was waiting for him to do something an my dude was too. I told my dude come in the house he was like nah Ima stay right here. I went into the house. My dude followed, Came back out 5mins later "Crazy Bitch" was gone. Im geting ready to leave Im apologizing for bring the drama over to yall house etc.

Im in the car now, mad ass hell. This lil bitch calls me again I let it go straight to the voicemail. This time, leaves me a voicemail saying. "You done fucked with the wrong bitch, Im sorry It had to end this way but so be it." I saying to myself what the fuck does that mean? On my way home I call my boy Jay got him laughn at my dumb ass. He was bout to take his tired ass to sleep so I hung up with him, Aite so im home now right? Im on the phone wit my boy mike by now. I get a text who else but the "crazy bitch" himself. Textn me "Cum outside". Im like FUCK, this bitch know were the fuck i live. Im running to the window falling over shit, hoping an praying this fag ass bitch aint outside my house. PPewwww safe not out there. Bitch had me scared. All I could imagine is his lil bitch ass making a scene at 10:30 at night an the neighbors come outside. I think I woulda went to jail tonight yall. I'm still siting here peeking out the dam window. An to think It started out as me just wanting to get a nut from some tight young ass. I learned my got dam lesson no more "LIL SCHOOL BOYS" for me. lol I can sit here an laugh about it now but the shit wasnt funny when it was happening (1hr 30mins ago)lol. Okay Im tired now I had to blog this before I went to sleep.

Until next time...........

"Friend or Associate"

Friend Or Associate?
People sometimes get the 2 confused. A friend calls just about everyday or other day. An associate calls/speaks maybe once a week if that. A friend gives u constructive criticism. An associate talks about all your flaws to everybody else but you. So I ask myself again Friend or Associate? The word "Best Friend" is used so loosely just like that four letter word "Love". What does it take for 1 to gain the title of being a best friend? Is it knowning one another for a long time, having the same quailitys an outlooks as each other, or u jus get along with each other so much no one compares to y'alls chemistry? What happens when u think someone is your friend an they're really not? They tolerate u for the time being. The moment u leave there sight ur a hoe, a slut, etc. An you call them your friend(s). Is it cuz u try so hard to be well liked that u do not see how much of a fool your making out of yourself. You disregard all the signs. I have a best friend we have this "associative" best friend relationship. I also have a group of friends(Shawn,Daniel,Omar,Jay,Mike,Greg,Brandon & etc) who probally would consider me an associate being that they have only known me for almost a year. I consider them good friends because they listen to me, give me good advice, make me feel comfortable, don't judge (so they say lol). Its like a role-reversal they are better friends then my "associative" best friend. "Yea I know its sad right?" With this all being said I wonder am I a "Friend or Associate"?

Until next time.........

"Reveal Urself"

Back again for a second time. Lately I been feeling like I'm having a idenity crisis. I dnt no whether I like dudes or if I like girls. I know I like something. Should I live the sterotypical lyfestyle that the average DL man lives. or should I jus not date or talk to people at all. I find myself constantlly struggln with this issue. I mean I love sex an all but. I haven't really had the urge to really be sexual . I mean my hand does me just fine. Despite my last post which was on random an I didn't really give to much thought in making dat decscion it was jus one of those I do give a fuck kinda things. I need HELP. I was so stressed at work last week thinkn if I told my mom about my secret life that I'd feel better as long as she didn't tell my dad. but no that would of jus opened up a can of worms. This secret is such a burden on me. If my dad wasn't such a homophobe mayb Id consider telln him but GUESS AGAIN. I'm not. Why is being gay/bisexual so wrong. Its a prefrence. Why does it matter what another person does in the privacy of there own home. We as a black community are so ignorant that we are so negative to our own people. It's 2007 get with the program. Times are changn , people have more of an openmind. but we have the few that are still living in the dark ages. Society has made me who I am today.forced me to wear this mask of shame. to hide in secretcy. Will I ever see the light of day?????. Until next time..........

The Beginning

I'm not here to bore you. I know you all would like to know what goes on in my mind, world, etc.
I have alot to tell. For some you might cant handle what I have to say. All my friends know Im a freak, Im a big ass flirt, I have a reputation for messing with friends and there friends. Im Sorry what can I say. If they wanna holla, Ima jump on it. Im here to give you a glimpse of my life in a 15min session. Let me see where should I begin, so much to say so little time.

Hmmmmm, Im currently in a relationship but, Im not sure. We been together for 2-3 Weeks now and Its feels like the same before we even made it offical. I dont see them they dont see me. The occasional phone call twice a day, Text messages here an there through the course of the day. Its kewl but, In between you have everybody else knowning im in a relationship still trying to get at me. Im try to fight off the urge, but I gave in. Last Wednesday my ex called me and asked me how I felt about a 3 some with somebody I meet through them months earlier I said werd Im down, (me being an ass).but at first I was 2nd guessing the whole thing. Im like X you in a relationship ur not single anymore. I winded up calling another one of my exs that my ex also knows proprositioning them to join in on the 3some. They was down too, so I said bet we gone pick you up from work. I let my ex know theres a 4th addition and who would be joing in on the action. I layed n my bed till 10pm my phone rings. my ex saying they outside. Im like aite im coming. Me being the freak I am. I wore my basketball shorts no underwear and a wifebeater ready to get into some action. I get into the car, We pick up my other ex from work, now we gotta drive all the way to piscataway to pick up the 4th person. Got that person now we tryna find a spot to get this shit poppn mind you its like almost 12am. A nigga gotta work in the morning. We finally find a lil rinky dink spot on 1 & 9. My ex paid for the room. We all sitting around smokn an chilln till im like fuck this we here to do this right so. I took off my clothes. Im standing ass naked so then everybody else follows my lead. Me an shorty layn down kissing an grinding for like 15mins. While I glanced over at the other 2 suckn each other off then they start fuckn rite next to me. I mean shorty was bangn they back in(they wasnt wasting no time!). I started to get brick. Shorty like wat else you wanna do Im like its wateva. Shorty like you wanna fuck me im like werd. So as I proceeded to get the lube and condom. Shorty starts suckn me off but im only getting semi hard. Im like "what the fuck this cant be happening" I think it was becuz i was so anxiuos to be inside shorty. So I turnt shorty over an started toungn that ass down tryna loosn it up. So i can get in with no problem. Shorty moaning in my ear still no real reaction by now im frustrated I lost the urge to fuck this nigga. So my boy (mind you my ex who has done bust like 2 nuts already to my none) takes over an them 2 start kissing and sucking each otha off. Im laid up in the corner mad as hell in the hotel room smokn. watchn these to mofos go at it. So then the shorty my ex was fuckn next to me says come on ima get you to fuck me. You gone get hard for me. (I dont do the big boys). I was totally turnt off but I let them suck me off. To my suprise my dick starts get hard. As soon as shorty saw that immediately jumped on my dick. Im laid out on the floor and shorty riding the fuck out my dick I swear shorty ass felt like a wet ass pussy. (I guess it was banged so good tonight shit was just wet for no reason.) I look on the bed who I see my exfuckn my other ex ( that nigga was shakn he couldnt take no dick by the look oif his face he was in pain) he jumpdup an ran to the bathroom. I guess he done had enough. Back to me Im beating this ass up I mean Im going strong right now then all a sudden I got theis feeling I wanted to nut. I never had nutted while fuckn ever. I yellled im bout to nut. I nutted all over shorty back ass an all. After that I was ready for a 2nd nut. I realized the time it was 3am I was mad but then again I had to nut again I laid on the floor we all watch each other nut one last time. When It was all said an done when I got home in my bed. All I could do is think about my baby, and why the fuck did I just do What I did. I couldnt take it back Whats done is done. Im learning to say no but sex is good who could resist. Especially when its more then one person (3some). Until then 15mins is up. an yes this really did happen. Im a work in progress dont judge what you dont understand. Im me, take me as I am or dont fuck wit a nigga

Until next time.......